A Pig of a Day
One
The ex-pats barbeque, loads of drink, dancing and mayhem. A summers night to rejoice, eat good food and swop stories about The Old Country. Did I forget to mention drink? This was a yearly night of celebration, Come One! Come All! All anyone needed was an invitation and a foreign passport. There was live music a roasted pig and as much alcohol as you could bring.
The male protagonist of this story Kevin decided to take his car to this shindig which meant No Drinking and No going wild. This also meant that he couldn’t get drunk and brave enough to ask a strange beautiful girl, if he met one, for a dance or a kiss.
It was a summer’s night in Denmark that means the Sun stays up late and gets up early. The sun this night decided to take a little holiday or a go slow. That whole day the sun played hide and seek with everyone at the party. He came out strong and warm and then he hid behind every cloud he saw. When he was out to play he warmed every bone in everyone’s body and when he hid, it felt like winter. Those who had come in their summer clothes soon reached into their backpacks and took out a sweater. Kevin didn’t bring a sweater so every time winter arrived he would pull on his big leather jacket. When summer returned he would find a dry stole and hang on the back. The whole day was a typical Danish summer’s day consisting of all four seasons
Despite the weather the company was good and conversations flowed. The party goers got drunk and Kevin drank his lemonade. The pretty girls got friendlier and the dancing began. Poor shy Kevin didn’t have the courage to ask anyone to dance; he just sat there by the fire keeping warm.
At midnight the sun decided that he had hung around playing with us long enough, so he went away and hid again until next morning. Some lanterns were lit and the party carried on in the dim light of the grill, the bonfire and the short string of electric lights. By now Kevin was tired sober and ready to drive home, he took his big leather jacket from the back of a stole and did the rounds of saying goodbye.
“Must you go so soon? We’ll be playing the party games in a while, it’ll be fun. Stay a little longer”
Kevin smiled and thanked everyone who had bad him to stay but he politely turned on his heels and left the party. It dark now and the party’s venue which was easily found in broad daylight now seemed to be in the middle of nowhere Kevin turned on his GPS and Alexa made sure that he found his way home
Kevin woke up early the next morning. He had a simple plan for his day. He was going to go to church, do a bit of shopping and then relax for the rest of the day. Sunday was a day of rest and that’s what he intended to do.
After he had finished his breakfast Kevin checked his phone for any messages. There was one; it was a text message from his newest friend Claus
“Are you drunk?”
Kevin answered
“No I was just drinking lemonade last night”
“Good”
Came the immediate response
“I need to go to work and I’m still too drunk to drive. Can you help me?”
Kevin wrote back
“Yes, where do you need to go?”
Claus’s answer surprised Kevin
“I need you to drive me and a pig to a camping site. I have to cook this pig for a hundred people and its fifty miles away and I can’t do it”
Kevin’s plans for that lazy Sunday were about to change drastically as he wrote back
“Yes ok I’ll help”
Claus’s answer was preceded by a number of smileys as he wrote
“Great come over in half an hour”
That last text message meant that the conversation was over and Kevin put down his phone and got ready to meet his friend It was only a short drive to Claus’s but he was already outside his home impatiently waiting for Kevin.
“What kept you? Where have you been?”
Were the first words to come out of Claus’s mouth, followed by
“Don’t worry lets go. We’ll take my car; the pig is in the back”
This piece of information surprised Kevin as he enquired
“Is it dead or alive?”
Claus’s face broke out into a smile as he said
“I hope its dead! We’re going to cook it! We have to and pick up John from the station in Aarhus”
Kevin asked Claus
“Are you cooking it in Aarhus?”
Claus replied quickly in a voice that said to Kevin that he should know where they were going
“No! We are going to Grenaa”
“But that’s fifty miles in the other direction”
Answered a surprised and confused Kevin
Claus’s voice deepened a little as he began to show his impatience at being told things he already knew. He didn’t want to waste time explaining where they were going or what they were going to do
“I know! I live in Denmark I know where all the towns are. I just need you to drive”
Both Claus and Kevin climbed into Claus’s car and the Pig of a day began. It didn’t take too long to drive to Aarhus. Kevin was surprised to find that Claus’s old car was a stick shift which meant that the gearstick was attached to the steering wheel. Every time he tried to change gear he couldn’t find the all too familiar gear stick he was use to. They took the Old road to Aarhus. It was a nice day and the motorway wasn’t that much quicker. They came into the city and navigated themselves around the Aarhus ring way. These are four big roads that all lead to Aarhus, one leads you in and then straight out again and the other three take you to different parts of Aarhus. Kevin found with the help of Alexa the right road into the town and on to the train station
John had not arrived when they reached the station and parking spaces in that area were few and far between. Kevin parked the car half way onto the pavement and kept a look out for parking wardens or a policeman. It was a Sunday but in Denmark Parking Wardens never sleep. After a short time Claus saw John come out of the double doors of the station and walked over to him. Kevin got out of the car hoping that John might be able to drive for a while but John couldn’t drive and Claus was still over the drink drive limit John asked Kevin to wait a few moments whilst he went back into the station to the kiosk. John emerged from the station with two 6 packs of beer. He got into the back of the car opened a can and then handed one to Claus. It soon became apparent to Kevin that he was going to be today’s designated driver.
Just as they reached the outskirts of Aarhus, Claus suggested that they should stop and buy some petrol before they embarked, on the road trip. Kevin pulled into the first garage they saw. It was then that Claus and John revealed that they didn’t have enough money to fill the tank and could they borrow some from Kevin just until they were paid for the job. Kevin agreed, it was too late to back out now. So five minutes later they had a full tank and were back on the road to Grenaa.
Luckily they didn’t have to drive back through Randers to get to Grenaa but nonetheless it was a big detour. Both John and Claus were in top form on the journey to Grenaa. They had smokes plenty of beer it was a nice day and a smooth run. There was periodic pee and smoke breaks or just five minutes to shoot the breeze. Kevin had never met John before and he seemed to be a man that liked to get to know people. Cigarette smoked another can of beer emptied one last shake before putting it back where it belonged and then back on the road
The more miles they travelled gave Kevin a little more confidence about driving a strange car which required him to react differently when changing the gears. Everybody stayed in a good mood and it also soon became apparent to Kevin that he was the only one with a working telephone and he didn’t have charger with him. His phone was fully charged but Alexa is a very greedy woman.
The next challenge was that neither Claus nor John knew exactly where the venue was. It was a camping site in Grenaa. There are several camping sites located in the beach resort of Grenaa. John had the name of the site and only an approximate address.
Kevin asked his girlfriend Alexa if she could help and help she did! They now had the full address and Alexa was, like a true girlfriend, giving them instructions. When the three men were some five kilometers from Grenaa John remembered something vital
“We have to go and pick up the grill”
This piece of information came as a surprise to Kevin as he assumed that the camping site would have their own grill
“No!”
Explained John
“We are cooking an entire pig. We need a Big Grill”
Two
John had an approximate address and a description of the house that they had to find. He wasn’t sure how big the grill actually was so he asked to borrow Kevin’s phone to call the camping site to find out. It was indeed a very big grill and it would not fit into the back of Claus’s car, not unless they got rid of the pig. The camp site owner gave John another address. This time they had a complete address of the whereabouts of a trailer. Kevin had never driven a trailer before and was still getting use to driving a stick shift car. John and Claus gave Kevin a lot of encouragement, praise and good advice concerning the driving of a trailer. It didn’t matter that neither man, for their own reasons could not feasibly drive Claus’s car or trailer but Kevin reluctantly agreed to try and drive the trailer. The trailer’s address was quite straight forward and it looked easy to find. However the actual road chosen by Alexa was not wide enough for Claus’s car and a wide trailer so they asked her to find an alternative route and she obliged. The trailer was hidden behind very long grass it had not been used for a very long time. The tyres were pumped up and the lights looked ok, so they attached the trailer to Claus’s car. Everything was fine, the trailer was old and neglected but she still did the job.
The next objective was to try and find the house with the grill. The grill was owned by a friend of a friend of John and he was going to lend it to them as a favour. If they were satisfied with the grill then they also had the option to buy it from John’s friend’s friend at a later date. They found the town they found the road and then Kevin drove slowly down the road while Claus and John tried to find the house and the grill. They drove slowly by three houses that had grills in their front yards and inspected each grill. The third house was “three’s a charm” it was the right house. Kevin took the trailer off the car and stared to wheel it into the drive. Claus shouted
“What are you doing?”
Kevin answered a little nervously
“I didn’t know how to back the trailer in. This is easier for me”
Claus answered Kevin
“Alright but you’re going to push the trailer back to the car”
John was a little more sympathetic as he said
“It’s ok Kevin I’ll help you”
And then both Claus and John began to laugh
After a short while the trailer was attached again and then it was back on the road to Grenaa. The three men cheered as they drove past the town sign Grenaa and then suddenly John screamed
“We need coal for the grill you’ll have to turn around I saw a Jem and Fix about five kilometres back”.
Kevin saw the roundabout up ahead and sadly swung the car and trailer back away from Grenaa to Jem and Fix where they could buy some coal. They found the shop and Kevin used his credit card to buy what was needed and then they were back on the road to Grenaa.
By this time the three men were a little behind schedule, there were 100 paying guests who expected to be fed that evening and the two chefs and The Pig were still in a car on their way to Grenaa. After a short drive and a few wrong turns due to Kevin’s confusion sometimes between left and right they arrived at the camp site but they couldn’t get in. There was one driveway and one gate that opened automatically with a key card and not one of them had such a card. As they stopped at the gate two cars filled with holiday makers who undoubtedly possessed key cards where stuck behind Kevin, Claus, John and The Pig.
The manager was called and the happy trio was allowed through the gate and onto the camp site. The manager hopped into the car next to Kevin and guided him to where the grill party was set to take place. They had arrived and now the professionals could get to work.
They put the grill in place and then there was just enough time for another beer and a cigarette before the preparations could begin. After the beer and smoke break the grill was lit and then there was the waiting time before the grill was hot enough. In the meantime John managed to get a cash advance to buy some basic ingredients for the night’s feast. This meant Kevin getting back in the car again and driving John into town to buy everything else that was needed for the forthcoming Pig roast. They bought salad, bread, vegetables more beer and all the other essentials
John knew the way into town and back again which meant that Kevin could turn off his phone for a while to save power. While Kevin and John shopped Claus prepared the pig for grilling. When they returned to the camp site John sent Kevin out again and again for other sundry items that they needed. Kevin had to ask Alexa every single time the way there and the way back. The power was being drained from his telephone and his charger was at home. Each time Kevin returned to the site the two chefs had created another new course for the meal. When it came to food these two men were incredible, they were so fast and so efficient. When all the food was prepared and kept safe and cold there was the spectacular sight of Claus and John with a gas burner braising the pigs torso The best sight was the kids faces as they looked on in amazement as the flames engulfed the animal and the result was a main meal cooked to perfection
John asked Kevin if he would go out into the campsite and collect rose petals these were to be strewn over the cooked pig. The effect was wonderful and John explained to every diner that they could eat the petals and everyone happily did as he suggested
As both chefs cooked they drank and as they drank they worked in total harmony. The queue was long but the diners served themselves quickly, as they left the grill site with full plates and happy faces.
The day was beginning to look like a success for everyone. The campsite owners were pleased the campers were pleased and Claus and John were feeling proud of their excellent work. But then tragedy! They were running out of food. There was plenty of pork, it was a big pig. But they needed more salad, more bread, and more potatoes. A lump of meat was not enough. So Kevin was sent back out again, this was going to be a challenge for Kevin because by now Alexa was dead or at least in a coma. Kevin would have to get to the shops and back again, the old fashioned way, he would have to remember the way. Kevin was up for the challenge. There was nobody else fit to drive the car and these people paid for a meal. Kevin got in the car and drove to the gate. The gate as before was locked and he just had to do a U turn and come back again. As he drove back to the grill site, he could see a long line of people with empty plates and two very embarrassed chefs.
The Co-owner of the site left her table and accompanied Kevin back to the gate and happily hopped into the front seat beside him. She was an attractive woman, middle-aged a little overweight with a lovely smile and sexy bright eyes. Kevin just kept his mind on the job in hand even though he would like to have spent more time with this surprisingly attractive woman.
She opened the gate and left it open so that Kevin could drive in again and then she walked back to the grill party. There was a quick drive and stop at the local FAKTA which was thankfully still open Kevin read down the list and bought everything on it and then drove triumphantly back to the campsite. The two chefs disappeared for a moment Claus came back with the bread and just threw in all onto the grill. Not one crumb was burnt every piece was cooked to perfection. By the time the bread was cooked John had returned with bowls of food and asked Kevin if he would collect the rest. The two miracle worker chefs were back in business and the guests could fill their plates again
As the assembled filled their plates for the second and third time a thought came into Kevin’s head as he watched the two men work, he suddenly felt really hungry. The whole day had been one of stress and rush Kevin couldn’t relax with a beer or grab a bite while he cooked the meal. The Pig had been delivered the diners where overjoyed the cooks were understandably proud of themselves and now Kevin was hungry. He went shyly up to Claus and asked if he might be allowed to eat as well Claus laughed and told him to get a plate. Kevin quickly found a plate and then a meal fit for a hungry labourer was set before him and he ate, ate and ate. The food tasted so good. A non alcoholic cocktail was also prepared for him and then life felt good again.
As the evening came to a close and the last diner had finished his last plate of food, the big clean up clear up began. Luckily for the cooks and Kevin the grill site was cleared up by the camping site staff. This just meant that Claus, John and Kevin had to clear up and clean the kitchen and put the grill back on the trailer. The car and the trailer were soon packed and loaded and the trio could make their plans to go home.
The first job was to return the by now cooled down grill to its owner. The next stop was returning the trailer to the long grass and then back on the road to Aarhus and then on to Randers. John and Claus said their farewells in Aarhus. They shook hands and hugged each other. Kevin’s next planned stop was to be Claus’s home and then swop cars so he could go home and sleep. Claus however was still in a party mood this meant swapping cars in Randers then dropping Claus off in the other direction for a get-together. Kevin obliged his friend and dropped him off.
The whole 1000 kilometer road trip day ended for Kevin as he put his head down to sleep at 1 AM and Claus partied on until the next day
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