Dad’s Day

Dad’s Day

One

There’s an old Irish story well actually there are many old Irish stories but this one reflects how I felt, that day, sitting by my dad’s bed watching him getting ready to leave us. No one likes to say the “D” word when it comes to someone close to us, so the act of parting and then one day being together again gives people I believe, hope and a little consolation.  I’ll tell you this story and then I’ll share with you all the real story

There was once an old man who lay in his bed very close to drawing his last breath and getting ready to say hello to the Angels. He lay there thin and gaunt propped up by cushions. He was hungry but he was too weak to eat. It took every amount of strength he had left in him to hold a conversation. 

The man’s bed was surrounded by his loving family. There were his children with their partners. There were the grandchildren and sat closest of all next to him was his loving wife. He began to speak

“Mother are you there?”

“Yes husband I am here” answered his devoted wife

He spoke again 

“Mother are all my children here?”

“Yes Husband they are all here”

“And their children are they also here?” Asked the man

“Yes they are all here. The entire family is here just for you, husband”

Answered his wife sympathetically, and then the man spoke again 

“Then tell me wife. Why can I see a light still on in the hall?”

This was us surrounding my dad’s bed, there was no light on in the hall, and there was just daylight. It was a fine summer’s day and we were all there to watch my dad take his last breath. None of us wanted to see my dad die but that was the prognosis and we were preparing to say our goodbyes.

The day began early that Sunday morning I was getting ready for what had been slowly becoming a normal day. I was getting ready to visit my dad. He was still at the hospital and every day seemed no different from the last. I was glad to go there and see him because every day I went to see my day meant that he was with us one more day

I was back in England after receiving a desperate message from my sister Fiona. I had arrived back from Denmark six days before. The doctor had told my mum and my sister that my dad wouldn’t last the night. He was sick, he was weak and he was old. But here I was up early again on a Sunday morning to visit him. He didn’t want to go anywhere

The home phone rang and we couldn’t connect the call, the phone just kept on ringing. My mum’s Mobil then rang and we still couldn’t receive that call either. In my experience these kind of difficult to connect calls are computer generated. I assured my mum that it was probably a call from India from a nice man from Microsoft trying to help her fix her computer. I was wrong the phone rang again and this time we were able to take the call, it was my sister Fiona. The hospital had tried to call but they couldn’t get through so they phoned the alternative number.  This time the line was fine and the message was clear. 

This time Dad was sick, really sick and there was no turning back. Today was dad’s last day and we all needed to get over there and say goodbye.   

Everybody was contacted and everybody made their way over to see dad to hear him take his last breath.

I was ready to go I put on my shoes about to go out the door and then mum stopped me.

“We should all go together “

Mum was right I should stay here for her. We waited for Fiona to come and pick us up in her car and 

Denis took his own car and when Fiona arrived the house was staring to fill up with Durcan kinfolk. Young Emma came into the kitchen; she looked amazing and so demure. Emma plans that day were to go to a friend’s barbeque her hair was in plats and her short skirt made her look like a Red Indian. It’s difficult to choose how you are going to dress on a day like this day    

The assembled family then drove down to the hospital to say goodbye to dad. The hospital was not far from the house we were there in minutes thanks relaxed Surrey Sunday traffic. There were no wheelchairs for mum so we all walked slowly down each corridor. We paused a little on route for mum to catch her breath but we got there. To our surprise and bewilderment Dad seemed to be sitting up in his bed. The pretty nurse, who was far too young for me according to my sisters, mum and nieces quickly explained to us that to enable Dad’s breathing, his body had to be positioned at an almost 45 degree angle. 

Dad’s eyes were closed, his face obscured by his breathing mask and he didn’t move. I thought that this was the end but Dad wasn’t ready to go just yet. We all found somewhere to sit or stand around Dads bed and just looked silently at him. 

Shortly after our arrival Little Kevin as he has known as for many years, ran into the ward. This now giant of a young man almost bent himself double to rest his head on my shoulder to weep. The more he wept, the more he had to weep and after what seemed like an age Kevin lifted his giant frame from my shoulder and looked tearfully into my eyes. I wasn’t sure if he had done with crying or if the discomfort of bending almost double to rest on my shoulder had just become too uncomfortable to bear 

Kevin composed himself just enough to join the rest of the family cramped around dad’s bed. There were by now a lot of people surrounding this bed. There was Fiona, Celia, Katherine, Denis, Richard and Kevin and Mum and we were being flanked by the rest of the gathering family. The pretty nurse came up to us and made a suggestion I always listened to her when she spoke to us because I had this feeling that she was speaking just to me. I put away all thoughts of marriage, children and moving back to England for a while and listened to what she had to say. The nurse told us about a special family space that they had in the hospital called 

“The Garden Of Time”

There was plenty of room for all of us with there were seats and benches. There were free refreshments and we would all be left alone to say goodbye to dad. It was the kind of peaceful environment that befitted a family who wanted to maybe cry a little and comfort each other. The porter was called and he wheeled dad’s bed followed closely by all of us to The Garden of time. The area itself was a forecourt, an area just outside the hospital but within its grounds. It was tastily furnished. There were palm trees and bright flowers, a water fountain. There was a big room with large opening sliding doors that gave the feel and look of an alcove 

Dad was gently wheeled into the room and the doors were flung open wide to let in the fresh morning air and summer sun. Mum found a big armchair and it was carried over to Dad’s bed so that she could sit in comfort next to him. 

The rest of us all found a little place either in the room or in the garden to sit and wait. The girls knew straight away how to use the coffee machine I wasn’t use to coffee capsule coffee machines. Emma and Katherine just knew what to do and they happily took the coffee, tea and hot chocolate orders. Denis disappeared for a short time and came back with biscuits, cakes and sweets. 

There is not much else to be had from a hospital newspaper shop. But we knew that this might turn out to be a long day and every little helped. Mum sat there devotedly by dad’s bed and didn’t say very much, this wasn’t a day for idle chat. 

I sat outside in the sun and tried to call Jacob and then Jonathan I think that I remember getting through to them both quite quickly to give them the news about their grandfather. They took the news really well and they both wanted to be there. But the hospitals breaking news didn’t give any of us time; we just dropped everything and came to Dad’s side. In Denmark it was the height of the holiday season and available flights were rare and at a premium. 

Fiona made her excuses and left us for a while she wanted to go back and fetch Steve. This was dad’s day and we didn’t want any problems. But there was a small problem in as much as; Denis and Steve had not seen or spoken to each other for years. 

This was an ongoing dispute that had up until today not been resolved. Joyous occasions and occasions of sadness can bring people together however I don’t think that there was a single person there that thought any occasion would ever reunite Denis and Steve. 

Two

It also so happened that on this sorrowful day in 2019, exactly sixty years ago to the day Cecilia Kielly and Kieran Durcan got married. Yes, Our dad was going to die on his sixtieth wedding anniversary. So the reunification of the houses of Wells and Durcan took second or third place in today’s order of business. 

I went into the small alcove that had been formed by the opening French doors and stood there at the foot of my dad’s bed. He was asleep and he seemed to be breathing easily. Mum was sitting there by his side holding his hand, Katherine and Emma were busy doing something together by the coffee machine. Richard was sitting with Poppy and Maggie and suddenly I felt totally alone and a sense of absolute sadness filled my entire body with pain I could feel my eyes beginning to swell and my throat began to close I had no choice I just had to turn away from everyone and leave the room. Nobody else was crying, weeping or wailing. I didn’t want to be the first person to fall down I turned my body around and quietly left the room, leaving everyone to their business and totally unaware of my show of weakness. It seems that I wasn’t quick or quiet enough, Maggie saw my distress and came out after me I felt hopeless and useless standing there at the end of dad’s bed and I felt even more ridiculous being caught crying by my sister in law. Maggie was sweet to me very gentle. She didn’t grab me in a bear hug Maggie just rubbed my shoulders and said something like

“There there!”

That was enough for me I wept just a little bit more, composed myself and then went out for a smoke. It was a long walk from The Garden to the entrance and you couldn’t go in or out of the hospital without being accosted by a member of staff trying to sell you a Hospital Lottery ticket. I explained more than once but thankfully not to the same member of staff that in my earlier years I had been prone to a gambling addiction. I had decided many years before never to gamble again on anything. The first woman I informed couldn’t understand my problem; after all it was only a little flutter to help the Hospital. I answered as politely as I could I was on my way out to have a cigarette and I find that when someone hinders my journey towards that wonderful smoke I do tend to get a little irritated I enquired

“Would you give a glass of sherry to a recovering alcoholic? Or offer a joint to a recovering Heroin addict?”

She answered quickly and was in no doubt

“No of course I wouldn’t! But it’s not the ……”

She stopped herself in mid sentence and wished me a good day and got herself ready to catch some new prey. 

It was a long walk to get out of the hospital and it was the same again to get out to the main road. There were many smokers standing and sitting outside under the “No Smoking” signs and there was always a police or Army presence. This was due to the fact that Frimley Hospital was also used as an Army Hospital being situated so close to so many Army Barracks. The police and the army didn’t pay attention to the illegal smokers they just kept a vigilant guard against any real threat. Nonetheless I didn’t feel comfortable smoking under a “No Smoking” sign so I proceeded on to the main road outside the Hospital. 

On my way back I saw Roy and Liam leaving the area. My heart sank because I knew that they wouldn’t be leaving unless something had happened I stopped Roy and I asked him  

“Is everything alright? Is dad OK?”

“Yes”

Replied Roy 

“I’m just going to go and pick up Orla from an athletics meeting I’ll be back soon . Oh and Fiona is back and Steve is here now”

I forgot my dad for a moment and all my imagination turned to “Gunfight at The OK Corral” with Denis and Steve sizing each other up at the end of my dad’s bed with mum and Fiona trying to separate them. It’s true that sometimes my imagination does run away with me. 

I hurried back to the Garden I nodded and smiled to the lottery seller still standing guard at the entrance ready to pounce. She waved and smiled back and then quickly turned as the automatic doors opened again. I got to the locked glass doors of The Garden of Time and knocked on the glass and waited for someone to let me in. I didn’t have to wait too long. I came in and Looked around the garden I couldn’t see Denis. I saw Steve sitting alone at a table I spied Fiona standing by my dad’s bed but still no Denis I said hello to Steve and then went in to stand next to Fiona, it was then that I saw Denis sitting quietly on the sofa drinking a cup of coffee. I turned back to look at Steve also sitting there quietly with a cup in his hand. Everything was fine I remember touching Fiona’s shoulder smiling and said nothing, she smiled back and then turned again to our dad. 

Another reason for Fiona’s disappearance was because she and Steve had to go and collect the cake she had ordered to celebrate Mum and Dad’s wedding anniversary. I was with Fiona when she ordered the cake ,that was a few days before this Happy and sad Sunday. The cake was firstly placed on Dad’s bed and he and mum were photographed by all of us as a memory of Mum and Dad’s sixtieth Wedding Anniversary. The cake was beautifully iced and emblazoned with a huge love heart and in the middle of the heart were the words

“Happy 60^th Anniversary Mum and Dad xxx”

After all the photos had been taken, a plastic knife was found in one of the drawers and the cake was cut into portions for all of us. I spied the coffee machine again then went over to make myself a cup and grab a biscuit before they all went. There were actually plenty left, all my favourites were gone but as they say “You snooze you lose” 

I did manage to eat a few of the special ones before they all disappeared and there were more important things in life to complain about. I was just satisfied with my share of the nice biscuits. I took my coffee, my cake and my biscuits out to a small table and sat there relaxed on the outside looking in. 

Presently Fiona, Emma and Katherine came out to the garden straight past me and out through the double doors. This was going to be their smoke break. As they went out an old lady who was walking past decided to pop in. She was dressed in her night clothes which brought me to assume that she might be a patient at the hospital but from which ward? She looked directly at me and gave me a broad smile and spoke

“Oh! Is this a Summer Party?” You all look so nice and I love all these beautiful flowers”

“No” I answered

“We are all here because my father is not very well. I don’t think you’re supposed to be here today but you’re welcome to wander around the garden if you wish to”

She smiled again even more broadly than before and spoke

“May I? That would be wonderful”

The lady walked over to the small fountain and then to the palm trees, she stopped to gaze at some very large and very bright flowers and then she walked over to the family to have a little peek. I think she was about to engage in a  conversation with one of my nephews when, the double doors opened again A kind looking uniformed woman softy called out a name and our guest turned to where the sound came from and then followed her friend out through the doors. There was no other conversation because I think that there was nothing more that needed to be said. I sat down again at my little table and drank the rest of my, by now cold coffee. Steve was now seating opposite me on a bench I called over to him and said

“Thank you for coming Steve I’m glad that we could all be here, for mum and dad”

Steve looked back over to me; he knew that there was a subliminal message in what I had just said. He answered with no hint of irony  

“It’s Okay Kevin; we’re all here that can be”

We stopped talking and then after a short while Fiona came back and joined Steve. They sat there together mostly in silence Fiona glancing at her phone and Steve glancing at Fiona. The time was now getting on we had been there for a few hours and all dad did was sleep. He would have been so pleased to know that so many people were gathered here in this small space just to be with him. 

Another hour passed just like the last we chatted we walked in and out of the room, we all one by one, who did, went out and took a smoke break. Roy came in with Orla, she had done well that day at the athletics track and now the whole Manchester family was complete and in attendance. I spoke to Jacob and then Jonathan on messenger I took their respective images through to my mum and everyone else. We all got a chance to chat to one another and to say hello and Jacob and Jonathan got to see their granddad. 

I’m not sure how fast the next few hours went but went they did and suddenly it was Six o’clock in the evening. We had been there, all of us, all day waiting for a man to die. However Mr. Kieran Durcan wasn’t ready to “Shuffle off this Mortal Coil” that day

The double doors opened again and in come a doctor and a nurse. They checked dad’s vital signs and his condition was stable. He was stable enough to be taken back to his ward so they uncoupled dad from all his equipment and wheeled him back to the ward. 

It was very much to the consternation of the ward sister that we all followed my dad’s bed back to his ward where we all said our goodbyes until the next day to dad. 

It had been a good day, a nice day, blue skies, no rain and so warm. Another important aspect to this nice day was that Dad was still hanging on in there. Denis and Steve didn’t talk that day there was no reason to. We were all there to be with dad and now we were leaving to let dad fight another day. 

It didn’t feel right somehow for everyone just to go home after that close feeling we all felt that day. So it was all back to mums for something to eat and drink and to chat some more. There were a few unexpected guests staying over at Nan’s house that night and The Hotel Steve and Fiona was overbooked but they coped 

It was Dad’s Day but it was also Our Day It was a day that started with sadness and ended with hope It had been a day filled with love    

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